Feeling deprived leads to feeling rebellious, even when we’re the ones setting the rules.

Where do you go when you want to resist that control that you have set for yourself?

Deprivation is in essence neglect. When we neglect ourselves, we deprive ourselves of what we need; care, support, attention, consideration, connection, encouragement, and love. I would even put reassurance in there.

Our rebellious nature then presents itself and we often look toward food to provide these feelings for us. We mistakenly believe that the pain we experience is something only food can soothe or heal. We choose the cake, the sweet chocolate, the second or third glass of wine, the cheese, the ice cream, the creamy pasta, the fatty chips, the salty & crunchy potato crisps, and bread. I hope you’re not hungry whilst reading this or I may have just unleashed the desire to feed the not-so-good wolf!

These are self-indulgent behaviours, catering to food, with the goal of avoiding what we are feeling, instead of dealing with our feelings. Just how many of us, lack the necessary skills to express our needs is overwhelmingly problematic. The incapacity to formulate and communicate our needs guarantees deprivation. But the first step in being about to change lies in becoming aware of your unhealthy self-soothing food impulses and the experiences and feelings that trigger them. That is our gateway to change!

When I am encouraging against self-sacrificing, I’m not championing self-soothing. Let’s make sure, however, that our definition of self-soothing is identical. I am viewing self-soothing as automatic and unconscious. It’s tangled in the immediate but temporary relief from stress, pain, anxiety, sadness, loneliness, boredom, etc. It’s momentary relief rather than long-lasting. It’s emotion-based rather than logical. And it doesn’t always support health – sometimes self-soothing impulses are unhealthy.

In preference, self-care is beneficial and conscious. It’s imbued in our resolve to move our daily habits and practices to support our health, both physically and mentally. The understructure of self-care addresses the roots of the problem, rather than putting a bandaid on it.

Getting honest about the absence of self-care, in essence, it is self-neglect. In a culture that takes pride in being busier than ever and wears sleep deprivation as a medal, self-deprivation gets entrenched Being overly focused on the needs of others is another obstacle. Contrastingly loosening up on your individual negotiables and enjoying the here and now is an important way to experience fulfillment and reduce deprivation. It is a huge need!

Amplify your self-awareness. Choose to tune into yourself and your surroundings, rather than fall into distracted. Noticing when you start to feel tired, reactive, upset or overwhelmed.  These are our vulnerable times, when we are drawn towards the temptation to grab for immediate self-soothing options that are ultimately unhealthy in our longer satisfaction goals. Catching these feelings in the beginning lets us be conscious about what’s happening and choose healthy interventions instead.

Look for the signs of a deprivation attachment in your life. You may be surprised at what you find!