Your inner thoughts are frequently the real produces of stress rather than the situation itself.
Most people, places & things are neutral. It’s our thoughts about them that create out feelings. What thought are you regularly allowing to surface that are resulting in self defeat?
Choosing your thoughts are how much time you spend with them is as easy as changing your mind …
Your inner thoughts are frequently the real produces of stress rather than the situation itself.
You may find that underneath self-talk you hear comparisons being made. A reason for making comparisons is that people make value judgments about what is good or worthy.
Step 1- Evaluate your true value of the end result in judgments of comparisons. Is you are judging the amount of socialising you do in comparison to a friend’s face book post containing endless social events and you have decided that your social life is not as ripping as his/hers. If you ponder the value that you place on social outings in your overall world, you may discover that the judgment lacks value to you. As you place more value on spending quiet intimate time with family or one on one time with friends - you may decide not to worry about the comparison and free yourself of this negative self talk.
Step 2 - Pay attention to the feelings that result from the words you choose. Listen to the words with which you choose to speak to yourself. Some of the words contribute to our distress. Our language communicates the amount of control we believe that we have with a person, place, or thing. The less control we feel, the more distress we can experience.
Examine your own self-talk language, thoughts or beliefs and acknowledge the things that you want to repeat less often. Be very honest with yourself about what self-talk/thoughts need modifying. Write a list of unhelpful words or statements you hear yourself often using and suggested modifications that will serve you better. Caveat - it is irrational to think rational all the time.
Don’t allow yourself to give away your power or control in your language, thoughts or beliefs.
Learning to adopt a different point of view. Take a belief that you would like to change. Then ask yourself the questions listed below as they relate to this belief. You may find that some questions seem ridiculous. Try to find humour in the ridiculous and you may also find that the belief may not have deep roots in reality.
The belief I’d like to give up _______________
• Does the belief make sense?
• What evidence exists for it being false or true?
• Is there a legal reason for the belief?
• Is there any alternative to the belief?
• Will it kill me to let go of the belief?
• Do other people survive without this belief?
• What is the worst possible thing that could happen if I give up the belief?
• I am telling myself this belief is true what percent of the time?
• Would it be to my benefit to lessen this percentage?
• Is there now enough doubt about this belief to consider new thinking?
When an event sends you into a negative zone try out this well tested model;
ABCDE Model
If an event produces stress, question the beliefs held about that event. Are the beliefs valid? Are they reasonable? Are they rational? This ABCDE Model identifies how beliefs influence stress. Once identified, beliefs that don’t make sense can be disputed or changed.
Instructions: Remember a recent event that made you anxious, tense, or worried. Close your eyes and imagine it for 30 seconds. Using the ABCDE Model, learn to think differently to improve outcomes. See how you could have changed the emotional consequences using the example below;
Activating Event: What event made you anxious, tense, or worried? Example: Getting stuck in a traffic jam on the way to work. Or substitute in your example?
Beliefs: What thoughts did you have about the past event? Examples:
1. “It is my fault for not leaving earlier.”
2. “This is a waste of time.”
3. “My boss will be angry about this.”
4. “I’m stupid.”
What’s your example?
Consequence
How did you feel because of your beliefs? Examples: Tense, feeling anxious, irritable, and having negative thoughts. What’s your example?
Dispute
Challenge the negative thought you identified in “B.” Start with a phrase like, “That’s not right...” and add a positive statement. Examples: “That’s not right, this happens to everyone at one time or another. I’ll use this time for some planning of my day’s activities. If I get anxious now, it may affect me when I do get to work.”
What’s your example?
Effect
How do you feel now having challenged your negative thoughts? Examples: Relaxed, positive, in a good mood. Made good use of time spent in traffic jam.
What’s your example?